This St. Patrick’s Day, I’m Turning 30

Reflections on life, 30 years in

Photo of the author and her dog on a Saint Patrick’s Day bench, taken by her fiancé (& featuring his shadow)

I don’t know what I imagined turning 30 would feel like, but probably, it isn’t this. Since Andy forced me to listen to it, I’ve had Bo Burnam’s song about it stuck in my head. Definitely didn’t see that one coming. Ditto basically everything else that’s happening in the world right now.

The last few years have felt so surreal, it hardly seems possible I’ve continued aging during them. My single strand of grey hair and ever-deepening forehead wrinkles disagree on this point, however.

In spite of the vague dystopian feel of life lately, I’m surprised to find myself excited about turning 30. Aging is no friend of mine — the whole concept terrifies me, because it means I’m gaining ground on death.

And yet. I feel ready to leave my 20s behind. I’ve outgrown them, like the too small clothes buried at the back of my dresser. In that respect, I feel a bit like Nick from New Girl, who remarked that growing old feels like aging into his personality.

Gif from New Girl, sourced via Giphy

I wake at 5am. Some days, like today, my pain wakes me up even earlier and I give up on falling back asleep. I’m in bed by 9pm if I can help it. I own a pair of bright white sneakers from the period where mall walking was my only exercise (long story). My fiancé once returned from the grocery with a pill box to help me keep track of my meds, because I kept forgetting whether I’d taken them or not.

I often joke that I am 29 going on 60. Of course, there are plenty of ways in which I am still young. Sometimes, I even feel young, particularly whenever my internet friends make cultural references I’m too young to understand.

As I approach 30, I would love to impart you 30 pieces of wisdom from my 30 trips around the sun, but frankly I don’t know if I have that much advice to give.

Instead, here are a few things I’m thinking about as March 17th approaches and I plan once again to avoid the drunken crowds that spawn on my birthday (or the weekend nearest to it — not many people realize Saint Patrick’s Day is always the 17th, after…